In The Mind Of Legolas Greenleaf
by iampurplelavender
Summary: Legolas is known to us as a quiet elf but what goes on in his mind? eventually lead to the reason why he had joined the fellowship. COMPLETE! rated pg just in case. first try at humor fic.
1. Arriving In Rivendell

*I do not own the LOTR's characters. They belong to Tolkien.  
  
In The Mind Of Legolas Greenleaf  
  
--------------------------------  
  
*Arriving In Rivendell*  
  
Finally! Arrive in Rivendell. Need to find a bathroom with mirrors. Hair must be awful looking now.  
  
I dunno why Ada sent me to rivendell. I mean it is hardly my fault that Gollum escape, right?  
  
I mean it's not like I set him loose and let him go on purpose. It really isn't my fault.  
  
I know he escaped when I went back to the castle to comb my hair but an elf can't really control how the wind blew his hair right?  
  
And I have an elven prince image to protect. You can't really expect me to face other elves with my hair looking like a tornado blew in right?  
  
Not my fault. Really isn't my fault. Great, have to go see Elrond now. Must put on innocent face.   
  
Again, Not my fault.  
  
(Later...)  
  
Okay, he actually shouted at me! AT ME! I AM AN ELVEN PRINCE! A full elf at that! He kept on mumbling about the image of all Elves, something about losing face.  
  
So I said that was what brought me into this mess in the first place, image! Funny how he might make the same mistake as I am.  
  
Pretty little me kept a straihgt face when being scolded. Hah! But I curses him in dwarfish. Don't worry, he didnt't hear me.  
  
Said it was no one's fault but MINE! Sure, blame it on the pretty elf. Ooops! Did I just said that out loud. Must have coz he's garing at me.  
  
Gotta get out now. Run slender legs, run! Elrond's shouting something. Sound's like 'I'm gonna get you'.  
  
Ah, Heck. I'll worry about that later.  
  
Okay, where shall I go? where shall I go?  
  
(Much Later...)  
  
Lovely room, I must say. Plenty of space. Quiet environment. Comfortable seating. And I don't mind sharing.  
  
Aaahhhh.... the peace of mind. No more shouting voice of Elrond. No more glaring. No more fingers pointing. And my friend here welcomes me with open arms.  
  
Well, I know he would if he had any arms. And if he had a voice, he would sing in praises now that he have my honorable company.  
  
He would sing songs in... What The hell was that smell? Did he just fart? That filthy beast.  
  
Urrghh... Okay okay I admit. This is not the best room that I've ever been in. But it's really not that bad.   
  
Yes, plenty of room, it's just filled with horses, straws and well, straws. And it IS quiet.  
  
No voices here, except those in my head. and the occasionaly neighing(?) sound of the horses. Yes, peace of mind.  
  
But The straws a bit harsh. Not really comfortable for seating. Argghh! Will it scar my smooth Skin?  
  
Oh wait, I'm wearing clothes aren't I? Phew... for a minute there... I'm bored now... Wonder when I can get out of here?  
  
I mean, it's not like it's uncomfortable or anything, I do like it here but an elf gotta mingle right?  
  
Besides, horsey here smells... Hmm... did I forget to bring my bottle of perfume?  
  
(Much much later...)  
  
Okay, calm down Legolas. You are a prince. A Prince does not panic. There's the bathroom.  
  
Where's the mirror? Eeekk... My Hair!!! Stupid straws. It must be that they can't help but being attracted to my hair.  
  
Can't blame them though. My Hair is too beautiful for some. I mean, I am sure that even Elrond is jealous of my hair.  
  
Yes, that must be it. It must be because of his jealousy that he now extract revenge on me.  
  
Ouch! Stupid straws! Now comb. Nice Hair. Niceeeee Hair. Stupid tangle. Must never return to *that* comfortable room.  
  
There, there Legolas. Everything's fine now. *sniff* *sniff* what's that smell? Arrgghh! it's coming from me.  
  
I'm... I'm... I'm smelly... Eeeeekkk... Must find bath gel! Maybe they've got it in Lavender?!  
  
Bath gel... Shampoo... Conditioner... Foot scrub... Facial Scrub... Back Scrub... Have to find them...  
  
Hurry... Hurry.... Hurry... Wait... where is my bag?! I CAN'T FIND MY BAG! They'd better not loose it.  
  
Oh No! All my things are in there... Oh No! Oh No!  
  
Argghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
To be Continued... 


	2. Meeting Aragorn

*I do not own the LOTR's characters. They belong to Tolkien.  
  
In The Mind Of Legolas Greenleaf  
  
--------------------------------  
  
*Meeting Aragorn*  
  
Hmmm... Not that I want to brag or anything but I do smell nice. I wonder how long will I be in Rivendell?  
  
I think I'm running out of body gel. After the hiding in the stables, I really used up a lot to wash off the smell.  
  
I wonder if they have the kind I use, in Rivendell? Surely Arwen has some. Better check with her as soon as possible.  
  
Oh look! There's Aragorn. Better ask him where I can get hold of Arwen.  
  
(Later...)  
  
Argghh... why can't he stop complaining. How long has it been already? My gosh it must have been at least an hour.  
  
All I wanted was a bottle of bath gel. No, No, have to be a good friend. Must concentrate on what he's talking about.  
  
Okay, Okay... Arwen... Beautiful...Confused...Elrond... Mad... Hmmm... I wonder if I'm more beautiful than Arwen.  
  
I mean I do my beautiful blond hair, my fair face, fit figure, slender legs, and strong archer hands.  
  
I bet I'm more beautiful. Okay he's looking at me. Say something Legolas.  
  
Okay... so maybe telling him that he and Arwen is not meant to be is not really a good idea. It kinda makes you think about the phrase 'If Looks Could Kill'.  
  
Come on already... Arwen is just chick that's not even as beautiful as I am. Why can't he just find a human chick?  
  
At least it won't be as complicated. Maybe I should tell him that? Then again, maybe not.  
  
Oh No! He's starting again. Quick Legolas, find an excuse. Hurry Up...  
  
Phew... That was close. Can't help but feeling a bit selfish. I mean, to lie to your best friend that you have a stomach ache in the middle of a heart to heart conversation?  
  
Oh well, damage's done. Guess he'll, I mean, I'll have to live with it. Hmm... where to now?  
  
Oh, no. There's Lord Elrond. Um, Um... There! There's a closet.  
  
Okay have to hold breath now. I hope he didn't see me, or even hear me. Have to Shut up now. He's passing this closet.  
  
That was close. Maybe I should wait a while before I get out. Okay, I'll wait for a while, just in case Elrond turns back.  
  
What's that?! Someting's crawling up my arm! Eeewwwww... What is it? It's a...It's a... It's a SPIDER!!!!!!  
  
ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
THAT was embarassing! Thank goodness no one heard me. Wait! Is that Aragron? Darn, he's smirking at me. He must have heard it.  
  
Better get out of here. Good, he's turning the other way around.   
  
But there's nothing to be embarassed about, now that I come to think of it. I am from Mirkwood, therefore it is only natural that I HATE spiders.  
  
Or even terrified of it. Even the itsy-bitsy ones. Yes, it's only natural. Nothing to be ashame of.  
  
Right.  
  
It's now official. I don't like it here.  
  
I Miss Home!!! I miss my room, I miss my bed, I miss my pool, I miss my fluffy slippers, I miss everything...  
  
I should get on home. I mean I've been here for how long now? It must've been... WHAT??!! IT"S ONLY BEEN A DAY???!!!  
  
Time do goes on slowly for an elf.   
  
Wait, Ada told me to inform Elrond about the escape of the creature Gollum. I've done just that didn't I?  
  
Maybe I should talk to Elrond about me heading on home. Yes, I should talk to him.  
  
On second thoughts, maybe I'll wait for a day or two before doing just that.  
  
Elrond is certainly getting grumpier each day.  
  
I'll talk to him tomorrow.  
  
To be continued... 


	3. Dinner Time In Rivendell

*I do not own the LOTR's characters. They belong to Tolkien.  
  
In The Mind Of Legolas Greenleaf  
  
--------------------------------  
  
*Dinner Time In Rivendell*  
  
Hmmm... Hope I'm not late for the dinner. Grumpy Elrond is upset enough with me already. No reason in upsetting him more.  
  
Where should I seat?  
  
Next to Grumpy Elrond? No.  
  
Gandalf? That old man has more gas than anyone in Middle Earth, so, No.  
  
Besides, he'll probably start pinching my cheeks again. Can't understand why he won't stop doing it.  
  
I mean, it has been centuries since I've come to age. Crazy Old Man!  
  
Aha! He must have been attracted to my fair and beautiful face.  
  
Mental Note to self : "Stay Away From Dirty Old Gandalf!"  
  
So, where should I seat again?  
  
Maybe next to the hobbits? They seemed nice. Why are they staring at me?  
  
Oh, No! Did I forget to check myself in the mirror again? Maybe something's wrong with my face?!  
  
WHAT IS IT?!!! WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME??!!!  
  
Wait... maybe they think I'm Beautiful!!! YAY!!! They think I'm Beautiful!!!  
  
Betcha never seen anything as beautiful as I am now, have you???!!!   
  
Smile at the guests, Legolas. Must try to look delicate and graceful yet strong and powerful, and intelligent and smart, and pure and demure and, and what else?  
  
Hah! They bought it. Just look at them, whispering amongst themselves. Must be discussing about my beauty.  
  
Now where shall I seat again?  
  
Next to Arwen? She'll probably start tossing her hair around as if she's in a shampoo commercial.  
  
And act as if she's more beautiful than me that she'll even start giving me beauty tips. The nerve!!  
  
On second thought, I'll sit next to her. I mean, getting some beauty tips over dinner don't really seemed like a bad idea after all.  
  
What? Who nudged me? Oh Hey, It's my good friend Aragorn!  
  
Of Course I'm fine... It's a fake stomach ache... Ha Ha... but you don't know half of it!  
  
Yeah, guess now I know with whom I'll be sitting with. *Sigh*  
  
And we have to sit in front of self-proclaimed Miss "I'm-too-beautiful-hair-tossing-and-blonde-wannabe".  
  
Now I'm really starting to feel sick. Look at them!  
  
The whole electric-flying-across-their-eyes thingy could really fry a whole bunch of orcs.  
  
Maybe should recruit them to patrol Mirkwood. Oh No!  
  
What does HE think HE's doing??!!! Shit! The chair beside me is empty. NO!!!!!!! He's coming over.  
  
Yes, Gandalf. I'm aware I'm as radiant as ever.  
  
Yes, Gandalf. I'm aware I'm as fair as ever.  
  
And yes, Gandalf. I'm aware I'm aware I'm...  
  
Wait, did he just say breath-taking? Omigod, HE JUST DID!!!  
  
Mental Note to self : "Must Stay Away From Dirty Old Geezer Gandalf! Must Really Stay Away!"  
  
OUCH!!!!! Stop Pinching My Face, You Old Geezer!!!   
  
Good, Grumpy Elrond's clinking(?) his glass.  
  
(Later...)  
  
Urghh... When is he going to finish with his speech? This is not even a feast.  
  
Why do they even bother to listen? This is entirely very boring. And I'm hungry.  
  
Maybe I can grabbed a few of that berries. Elrond must be too concentrating on his speech, he might just not see me.  
  
And maybe a slice of that cake... an apple... a piece of pie... those lembas looks delicious... and those bananas looks...   
  
What's that sound? Why's everyone staring at me? YAY! I'M BEAUTI...  
  
There's that sound again... *Gasp Very Loudly*  
  
Yes, can feel cheek flushed tomato red. Stupid Stomach.  
  
Miss "I'm-too-beautiful-hair-tossing-and-blonde-wannabe" is smirking at me. That Bitch.  
  
Stupid Aragorn is giggling now.   
  
Yes!!! Thank goodness Elrond decided to let us eat now.  
  
Don't let it get to you , Legolas. Just take the food and eat.  
  
I'm not embarrased, not embarrased, not embarrased, not embarrased, not embarrased, not embarrased.  
  
Elrond is glaring at me, again. Must be mad at me for interrupting his speech.  
  
Quick! Look away, look away, Legolas.  
  
OUCH!!!!!! Arghhhhhhh!!! Stupid old geezer!  
  
I HATE THIS PLACE!!! I HATE THIS PLACE!!! I HAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTEEEEE THIS PLACE!!!  
  
Calm down Legolas, Calm down.  
  
Tomorrow will be here soon.   
  
Soon.  
  
To Be Continued...  
  
**  
  
I don't think this chapter is very good but something's blocking my head.  
  
Actually I had the story in my head for quite some time but I kinda forgot to write it down.  
  
Now I'm just making it up as I go.  
  
Anyways, Thanks for the reviews and keep 'em coming.  
  
** 


	4. The Council Of Elrond

*I do not own the LOTR's characters. They belong to Tolkien.  
  
In The Mind Of Legolas Greenleaf  
  
--------------------------------  
  
*The Council Of Elrond*  
  
*Sigh*  
  
Should have talked to Elrond sooner. Now is dragged to this stupid council.  
  
I dunno why is it called The Council Of Elrond anyway. Not as if he's the only one here?  
  
Why not Legolas's Council? Or Concil Of Legolas? Or The Legolas Greenleaf Show? Or the Late Night Show with Legolas Greenleaf?  
  
Stupid Elrond. Tricked me into coming here. Said just me and him discussing "SOMETHING IMPORTANT".  
  
If I had known everyone is going to present here I'd wear my best tunic. Now I'm presented to these people in my most plain tunic.   
  
This must be a conspiracy againts me, the beautiful Legolas Greenleaf! Damn You Elrond!  
  
Oh No! I wonder if they can see the hole in my leggings? Maybe if I sit real nice, they might not noticed it.  
  
Must get rid of this old leggings. But it's my favorite. *sniff* *sniff*  
  
Well, must ALWAYS remember to change into a new legging after every morning if want to keep it.  
  
Hmmm... that dwarf looks familiar? Why is he staring at me for? Now, where have I seen him before?  
  
Think little mind, think. I think Ada imprisoned him before. What was his name again?  
  
Gling? Gloong? Glang? No, no, that wans't it.  
  
Grain? Groin? what?! Hahahahaha... that would have made a funny name... GROIN???!!! Hahahaha.  
  
GLOIN! that was it!  
  
Hmmm... what are those dwarves doing here? I thought they have always dislikes elves.  
  
There's the Old Geezer with the curly hair hobbit. I wonder where's the fatty hobbit?  
  
I wonder who that man is? Oh My, he's staring at me.   
  
Yes, I know. I am Beautiful. Oh My, he's winking at me. *Giggling*  
  
Should sweep hair like Arwen does now. Where's the damn wind when you need them. Just a small breeze? Pretty please?  
  
Damn! Oh well, just have to sweep it using hand now. Yes! He smiled at me! He smiled at me! He smiled at me! He smiled at me!  
  
What??!! More introduction... Boromir... Stupid Elrond is giving speech again? Don't he ever get tired? I bet no one listen anyway. I wonder how this time it will take?  
  
(Later...)  
  
Oh My Dear Valar!!! This must have been the longest speech i have ever listen to. Or tried.  
  
I don't even know what he's talking about now. Oh Gosh... I can feel a yawn coming up.   
  
Must Not Yawn! Must Not Yawn! Must Not Yawn! Must Not Yawn! Must Not Yawn!  
  
OOOOWWWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.......... *yawned*  
  
Oooppssss... Great, he's giving me the "Glare of Death" again.  
  
Is that a look of relief on Aragorn's face? See... I knew everyone else is bored.  
  
At least they don't have to get the death sentence from Elrond later. Poor Poor Me!  
  
COME ON!!!! Get it on already. Okay, It's now Old Geezer's turn to speak...  
  
(Much Later...)  
  
Sweet Valar!!!!!! These ancient people really know how to talk. Come on already!  
  
I bet everyone here knew about the Last Alliance or the Last "What-War-Wassit?"  
  
That's a nice ring. But a bit plain to my liking. I have many more rings in my possession.  
  
With diamonds and emeralds and rubies and well, many more...  
  
Fine, you guys just share it among you guys. I have no need for it.  
  
What's the dwarf doing?  
  
ARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
That piece of ax nearly scarred my face!!!! wait... let me check...  
  
Phew... no blood, so no scars.... STUPID dwarf!!!! Didn't he pay ANY attention??????  
  
Isn't an axe a mortal weapon????!!! STUPID!!!!!!!!  
  
Dunno why they wanna chop it up anyway? If you wanna share the stupid ring, you'd better come to Mirkwood and I'll give you a brand new ring.  
  
It doesn't even looked as if it worth much anyway. Just a plain old worthless ring.  
  
Now's Boromir's turn to talk... Oh! So everyone gets a chance to talk?! I didn't knew that!  
  
What should I talk about? History stuffs are sooooo boring. Maybe I should teach them how to take care of their hair.  
  
The men's hair sucks, looks like the last time it was washed was a few years ago. Same thing can be said about Old Geezer's.  
  
The hobbit's looks fine but lacks of shine. Better teach them how to treat their hair for damaged roots and...  
  
Did Boromir just insulted Aragorn?! Hey that's my friend you're talking about. Should stand up for him.  
  
Hah! of course he's no mere Ranger you stupid, handsome handsome man. He's the whiny, alwyas near-crying-about-the-blone-wannabe, smelt of B.O, stupid, easily cheated Ranger.  
  
*Giggling* He'll kill me if I said that out loud. No... won't make the same mistake twice. Too brainy for THAT.  
  
Did someone mentioned Gollum? I thought I heard the creature's name?  
  
Why is Elrond staring at me again for? I didn't interrupt him now, did I? It was Boromir I interrupt, wasn't it?  
  
What the hell do you want from me you stupid Elrond? OH!!!!! Gollum.  
  
There, you happy now. The news is out. Maybe I should be specific and tell them it wasn't my fault.  
  
Hey!!! Wait a minute. That's it???? That's all I get to say???You people get full hours of speech and all I get is a few sentences of confession?  
  
Stupid people dunno how to appreciate pretty elf. *pouted*   
  
I hate you people. I was gonna teach you how to care for your hair. *sniff* *sniff*   
  
WHAT????!!! SPEECH????!!!! AGAIN???!!!!! Somebody kill me PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
KILL ME!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME NOWWWWWWWWW!!!  
  
(Much Much Later...)  
  
Shouldn't have left Mirkwood.  
  
Should have left yesterday.  
  
Why did they have to let Gollum climb the stupid trees?  
  
THIS is what you get for being kind.  
  
Shouldn't have gone comb hair.  
  
Shouldn't...  
  
Wait, We're going somewhere?????!!! Anywhere is better than here!!!  
  
Hmmm... Aragorn says he'll pay for the trip with his sword.  
  
Oh... seems like we have to sacrifice something to go on this trip.  
  
Fine, fine. Take my bow. Take it. I have plenty more in my room. But you don't need to know that right? hahahah  
  
Just Get Me The Hell Outta Here!!!!!!  
  
Oh... Boromir is coming too?!! *Giggling*  
  
No one can resist the temptation of the Most Beautiful Elf in Middle Earth. *Giggling*  
  
And the hobbits are coming too... Awww.... aren't they cute... cute little things they are...  
  
Come on, we're only going for a trip. Why would he named a group of people going on a trip?  
  
The Fellowship Of The Ring... sounds lame... I'm no fellow... I'm so insulted... I'm the pretty elf...elf!...not fellow...  
  
Ah Hell... Just get me the hell outta here...  
  
The End  
  
**  
  
When I say *Giggling* I meant he was giggling inside his mind. He of course didnt show it coz he's demure...hahaha  
  
Hope you guys enjoy it...  
  
** 


End file.
